8 Years

my mr and i have been married eight years now

in the past eight years we've....

-married--adopted a dog--moved--bought a home--mr had new job--adopted second dog--had ovarian cancer scare--surgery--pregnant--dog lost eye sight, $5000 to restore it--gave birth--heart failed--six months where i couldn't be mommy--hysterectomy--mr received offer to start hospitalist practice with other physicians--went without income for one year--bad timing, was in process of building new house--moved--adopted another dog--gall bladder failed, of all things--hospitalized for meningitis for two weeks--mr traded the fast life for hospice gig--began process for adoption--traveled around the world, twice--two years and a whole lot of money pass--daughter is added to our family--back goes out--spinal fusion--heart failure returned........and now were to the present.

some marriages are built with sticks upon stilts.

our marriage is built with two-ton boulders piled on top of each other with concrete heavily slathered in between.

no amount of wind will blow us down.

thank you for the beautiful weekend of rest and relaxation. but most importantly, thank you for building this home and this life with me.

here's to many more years together

xoxo

rie

june june go away

this month has been so difficult---
1. laundry is piled a mile high
2. the pantry is empty
3. flowers are drooping from lack of attention
4. dogs are lonely
5. i miss my children dearly
6. the house is a wreck
7. i am a terrible blogger
8. and I cried the other day

But...
1. my mr. cleaned, folded and put every mountain away
2. i have already planned my homemade menu for the entire month of july
3. the garden is thriving, i may just be a gardener after all
4. dogs have received some awesome treats--they love when mom feels guilty
5. my children don't give two hoot's about me--they love school and miss it on weekends
6. i have the rest of my life to care about a messy house
7. i will make it up to you beyond your imagination when the new site is launched
8. it felt so good to cry

and...
my mr. put on our wedding song and we danced, barely moving our feet; holding one another so close
that song meant more today than it did 8 years ago
and just like that all the stress in the world disappeared

as stressful as life is today, i am so thankful for this opportunity i have been given. heck, i haven't watched tv in so long our dvr is overloaded---i spent way too much time in front of that thing anyway.

i am learning about different religions and have developed a stronger appreciation for them.
i am learning how to write better--i guess--trying real hard to be positive here

even when times are difficult, if you look around, there is always something positive happening...

xoxo
rie

Super Husband. Super Dad.

Today I rolled over in bed and painfully placed my feet on the floor. I needed to get Leila to school and return home to rest.

The house was still, not a noise to be heard.

Leila was at school and so was J. My husband, that wonderful man, that wonderful man.

The hustle and bustle of life can tune out all of the wonderful things that people do for us daily. My Mr. had a busy day of work ahead yet he managed to get both kiddo's out of the house and to school so I could rest my achy back and legs for a little while longer.

Sunday morning he came in from the garage bearing all sorts of meats from the fridge. Soon the house was filled with all sorts of delicious smells; garlic, onions and bbq out on the grill. "You won't feel like making dinner the next few days so I'm making them for you" he says.

Date nights consisting of movies and fancy dinners all have their place in a happy marriage but what is most romantic to me is my Mr's ability to foresee my needs in the near future and meet them.

My mother-n-law has been so helpful as well and I can't thank her enough. Kids were bathed and nestled snug in their beds the night of my procedure. She picked them up from school yesterday and I was told not to make dinner tonight, Jidu will be bringing something delicious over.

It takes a small army to keep a family functioning when a mom or dad is not up to par. I couldn't be more grateful for the friends and family that surround us and jump into our places so flawlessly that the children don't even bat an eye at the changes.

I am one lucky woman.

Idea's Anyone???

The Mr. and I have been given this delightful opportunity to escape for a whole week sans children.

Now.......what to do with this week?

My heart is still here:

Maui (picture from Wordpress)

However, as you all know, I am going back to school so money is an issue.

Some of the best idea's EV-AR have come from those who pathed the way for me. So my dear friends, what have you done with your Mr. that has been utterly romantic and easy on the pocket book?

Leave me a comment or e-mail me personally and tell me all about it! Remembering that this va-ca will take place during the summer when it will be HOT-HOT-HOT locally!

Signed,

The Oh-So-Grasious Rie

To Continue

Arizona sunset during our last camping trip


Two nights ago was not a good night. I experienced some type of cardiac event which included palpitations, my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest, extreme jaw pain with numbness, nausea, dizziness and difficulty breathing. Lying on the bed was torture as my Mr. was closing up the house for the night and I couldn't call for him. Literally, I felt as though I was going to die right there and he wouldn't even know I was experiencing this as I was completely fine one minute before.



Eventually he found me and comforted me as he does so well. 15 minutes or so had passed and I began to feel normal again. I was so scared, a million and one thoughts went through my head; I need to write letters to my children, what would my children do without their mother, does my husband know everything he needs to know, etc..... Just when I think I'm healthy and life is great, something happens to remind me just how lucky I am to be here today let alone tomorrow. Preparing for the worst is not pessimistic, it's realistic. I am at peace with Heaven and The Lord, I am not at peace with leaving behind those that I love.



I say to my Mr. "I just want it to stop."



He replied "we have gotten through the worst of the worst and have come out stronger for it. I will always be here for you and whatever life throws at us we will tackle together. You want it to stop, I just want it to continue".



Here's to continuing life, together, no matter what.

Romance Redefined

In the earlier years of my life romance appeared in the forms of diamonds, candle light, extravagant date nights and babysitters.

Maybe what someone views as "romantic" changes with age, or perhaps, changes with life.

My husband is the most romantic man I know.

It's what he does out of selflessness that gets my motor running!

Coffee is always prepared the night before for when I wake.

Breakfast is usually made to ensure I get some protein into my hectic day.

Lunch dates at home in between visits with patients.

Laundry, the man does laundry. Folds, hangs and irons.

Music is added to my MP3 and placed in my car for my listening pleasure during errands.

My car was filled with gas and newly cleaned when I arrived home from Michigan.

His eyes fill with love when giving the children his full attention.

Bath time, bedtime, homework, whatever the need he jumps right in to help.

I cherish everyday God gives me with this man.

May all women be as fulfilled romantically as I am.

The News

OK OK folks, I'm sorry. I know I left you hanging with the good news. Leila and I are in good ol' Michigan, again. This time to meet my new niece or nephew and her cousin hopefully real soon, in fact were getting ready to go for a walk to expedite the process.

Now on with the show:

I got a call from the doc the other day. My ticker is responding to the medication! I'm not yet where I was before but super close. We now know that the medication is working and there's a good chance I'll be around for a long while. Thank God and thank you all for your prayers. It's truly a miracle to recover from this twice and I pray it never comes back. Will I be on the medications for life? Yup, most likely. They make you feel horribly tired but I'll take it.

Right after hearing the news, Tariq and I had a date night better than any other. We went out to eat at a great restaurant and then to Phantom of the Opera.

Good food, good company and a good heart.

Oh what a night.

I'm Blown Away

I just received the most amazing surprise from my husband. This is quite possibly the best gift EV-AR! Mums the word for now, watch for a later post revealing why MY husband is the best.

Change of Seasons....Change of Luck?

Fall has begun in the our household.

It is cold (90 degrees), rainy (drizzling) and cloudy (partly), but it's the closest to fall in Arizona gets. I've spent most the morning placing things here and there, absolutely my favorite time of year.

My annual "Yahooo! Fall is here" gift is on it's way to my mom. I hope you enjoy it mom!

Some amazing things took place this week. The first being that the doctor finally called with some good news. He said, your ejection fraction has come up 2% since starting the medications! Now I know that's not much, but it's not much in the right direction. Certainly something to celebrate.

I woke up Friday to find that I won something, and not just something, but a gift certificate to Single Stone Studios! Yahoooooo! Already have ideas of what I would like. I know it must have killed Shelly to post my anti Ohio State comment on her blog, but she did, and I'm proud of her. That's the first step to realizing she has been brain washed by her husband (he's brain washed too). Michigan kicks off the season on September 5th ya'll! Mark it on your calender.

This is one possibility:

My friend called to ask if we would like to join them for the first Cardinals home game (pre-season). A date night?! When? Where? What time? I'm all over that! Remember my favorite pair of heels I showed you before? I got them out of the closet (they were the perfect cardinal red), dusted them off and put them on for the first time since March, the back surgery. My girls: I've missed you. I felt my sexy coming back.....until I noticed the excruciating blisters you were causing. Check out these two hotties!
Dinner time! Some amazing things have happened this week. I pray our luck is turning around. If this week is any indication, I'd say it has.

In celebration of the beginning of my favorite time of year and returning heart function, I'm holding a give-away! Here's the deal: I love the holidays; fall, Christmas, New Years etc.... Share with me your family traditions, big or small. I'm always looking to add new traditions to our holidays. So, send me your favorite family traditions! I will choose one that I want to add to our families traditions........And what will you get in exchange? The winner will receive a large jar candle from Yankee in my new favoirte fall scent!

Leave me a comment here on the blog or e-mail me at: waterford@cox.net

You have until Friday 5pm EST.

Good Luck!

Can't wait to read your ideas!!!

Happy Birthday My Love

The Occasion: Tariq's (20th) Birthday

The Guests: Us and his Parents

The Menu:

~Broiled Mustard and Brown Sugar Glazed Salmon Fillets with Dill

~American Baked Potato's with the Works

~Balsamic Asparagus

~Homemade Pecan Pie

We ate a wonderful dinner, Tariq's favorite.
I placed the candles in the pecan pie (all 20), not an easy feat.

After desert we watched home videos. We watched Jalyn's birth for the first time. Jalyn loved seeing himself as a newborn. I mourned for those precious six months to follow that I was unable to care for him, and thanked God for the family that was.

I watched and listened as Nana and Jidu helped Jalyn with his homework. It was a beautiful sight. Homework must feel different as a grandparent when your not doing it every night. It was a joy for them to help him.

Daddy gave Leila a bath then he and Nana tucked her into bed.

After our guests left and the children were snuggled all warm in their beds, we retired to our room and talked about the evening. I had an appointment with my cardiologist this morning. I've gained five pounds, have noticed increased shortness of breath and my energy has hightailed it out of my life. An echocardiogram was repeated yesterday to check for further decline. No results as of yet. My mother-n-law brought me flowers and a card with a heartfelt message. The night meant so much to me, so much to celebrate. As long as there is breath in me I will cook Tariq's favorite meals, make him homemade pies and give thanks for another reason to celebrate.

The evening ended with this. I wish for more evenings like last night.

Just Another Reason To Fall More In Love With My Husband...

Since Tariq was a young boy he's wanted a motorcycle. upon reaching the legal age to drive, he began begging his parents to allow him to purchase one. The answer was always a firm N-O. Thank God as Tariq on a motorcycle at 17 years of age? Yeah, don't think he would be with us today if they had given in to that request.

Then he married me and requested my support in his quest to buy a motorcycle. I said N-O. We had a young child at the time and I just don't trust other drivers. He hung his head and walked away. Over the next several years he never failed to send hints here and there about how much he would love to have a motorcycle.

Not long ago Tariq began studying for his boards to become certified in Hospice and Palliative Medicine. He worked during the day and studied much of the night for over a year. All to provide a better life for his family.

I knew he deserved something B-I-G as a thank you from us for giving up so much of his time for his family. This had been a stressful time for us. He wanted to be with the kids and the kids wanted him. Jalyn didn't understand why daddy couldn't play and go places with us.

I let this idea about a motorcycle re-enter my brain. I never wanted Tariq to resent me for not letting him pursue a dream of his. I reached for the phone and hung it up......(did this about 10 times) before I actually got up the courage to ask questions. And just like that, I had done it. I signed my husband up for a two day motorcycle safety class. I figured if he's going to be riding against MY better judgement, than he must go through the safety class. He was over the moon excited.

The class day came and he was a different person when he returned home. I have never...ever...seen him so happy. He felt so free, like he had finally found a piece of himself that had been denied for so long. The sparkle in his eye that night, well I'll never forget it. From that point on I knew I had made the right decision. This meant so much to him and for this dream to have gone denied for so long just broke my heart.

We have wanted to purchase a camper for sometime and had finally saved enough to start looking. However, I made a decision to give Tariq the choice. I said to him "This is your choice and I will support either choice 100%. You can buy either a motorcycle OR a trailer. You have done so much for our family and given your time so unselfishly to everyone else that YOU deserve something for YOU!" The next day he went to local motorcycle shops and sat on a gazillion. He looked so happy when he came home. I told him to take as much time as he needed in making his decision.

A few nights ago he came to me and said "babe I've made my decision. While sitting on the motorcycle a lot went through my mind. I have the rest of my life to ride a bike after the kids are grown, and believe me I will. However, our kids are only this age once and we have only a short window to make memories with them before it will be not cool to hang with mom and dad. I choose the trailer."

I was thrilled, you've got to know I was hoping for the trailer (but would not have been disappointed either way!) So we packed the truck up today with coolers and snacks, everything you need to take two kids out looking for trailers all day. It was fun. Leila did pretty well but it was difficult as Tariq had to do most of the talking to the sales men and I cannot lift her. This created some issues and made it difficult to really listen to the salesman. Every trailer we went into Jalyn had to check if there were enough beds to fit his cousins and then before departing EACH and EVERY trailer he said "are we buying this one?" Seriously, this was equally annoying as "are we there yet?"


A full day later and nothing to show for it. The kids were D-O-N-E and the decisions are overwhelming.

~Travel Trailer VS Toy Hauler?

~Expensive but great quality?

~Not AS expensive with good/average quality?

~New vs used?

We want something that will grow with us. The last thing we want to do is buy something smaller to save money and realize that we are totally uncomfortable. Then you find yourself not using it as much because it's not so much fun being cramped.

The only decision we have made is that we WILL have something in time for the unbearable summer heat. We want to escape at least two weekends a month.

Have you gone through similar decisions regarding trailers? Have any ideas, advice or something helpful to share??? Please, send me comments! Would love input.

It Happens

Feeling Blue

I don't know how to explain my feelings today, the one word that comes to mind is pure sadness.

I knew this recovery would be very difficult and unfortunately it's only just begun.

My incision is not healing correctly, probably due to the fact that the same incision has been used three times now. The scar may in fact require a scar revision at some point.....time will tell.

I remain in SEVERE pain, most of the time. Sleep just isn't happening for me at night so usually I try and sleep a few hours during the day. However, Jalyn is so sad when he comes home from school to find me in bed and I can't blame him one bit. So today I was up the whole day with no rest.

Leila called Laura (our nanny) "mommy" today.....WOW did that hurt. That hurt deep. I waited incredibly long to hear those beautiful words come out of that beautiful child's lips while looking at me. Sure, you can say oh she just got confused or what not, but it hurt just the same.

Jalyn is an angel......I've known this since he was born. He watches out for me...."MOMMY! YOUR BENDING!!!" He says prayers for me and I receive extra hugs and kisses. He likes to look at my incision and ask "was it more painful when I came out of there?" (Yes we've had the whole where do babies come from and how do they get out chat already. If you ask me, c-section-er's have it much easier explaining the out part! Of course, we kept it at the level appropriate for a five-year-old.)

Tariq has been an amazing husband, there for me through it all. He wakes me up to provide the good stuff (pain meds during the night). He just arrived home and he's fixing dinner (a very healthy dinner I might add), he always provides me with smoothies packed with protein powder, flax, fruits and my personal favorite.....sherbet! I am so blessed to have a devoted hubby. He is my rock that has pulled me through so many difficult times in my life and this time is no different.

Well.....Leila is off to Nana and Jidu's for a slumber party so mommy and daddy doesn't have to worry about parties in the middle of the night:) Jalyn is about to hit the hay here is a few minutes. This would be the time where I would read to relax, but for some reason I cannot see. What I mean exactly is that when I try to read the words blur together. I try and shake me head, close me eyes for a minute and readjust but it doesn't help. Even typing this has been a challenge. I don't know if this is medication related or anesthesia related, but whatever it is it sucks.

I miss my mom, she went home Saturday.

Well I'm off to shower, put on cozy pj's, and love on my son and then of course, the dogs.

I hope and pray that tomorrow I wake up a different person. Out of the past four surgeries I've gone through, I have to say that this by far (so far) has been the best in terms of not feeling nauseous, extremely tired and run down. I also have never felt so inspired to come out fighting to get back to normal. I want my life back, pain free. Oh the things we will do, the places we will go. That's why feeling down right now has been hard, it's like I'm letting myself down in a way, letting my husband down as I know he needs/wants me back.

Tomorrow I am determined to wake up happy and excited about the future, about the vacations we will take when I recover enough. I want nothing more than to hold my baby girl and rock her, cradle her and remind her who loves her more than anyone else in this entire world. I want to snuggle next to Jalyn, bend down to give him those awesome bear hugs he gives, and remind my husband how very much in love I am with him;)

But for tonight I will take a warm shower, cry and let the pain deep in my soul out for a short time. I believe it's unhealthy to keep our feelings inside, at least for me it's healthier to let them out and move on.

To leave you with appropriate lyrics from a Sugarland song:

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me boring

the same old worn out blah blah story

There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason

No complicated meaning

Ain't no need to over think it

Let go laughing

Life don't go quite like you planned it

We try so hard to understand it

But the irrefutable, indisputable fact is.......

S%$!......... It happens

Hungry Anyone?!?!

***Consider Yourself Warned***

There I was sitting on the pot, sicker than a dog.

My husband gently rubbing my back.

"Awgh Kel, I'm so sorry your sick".

"Your throwing up again?" He asks.

How do I say this without being too graphic.....

It wasn't pretty, let's leave it at that (your welcome).

As I'm throwing up for about the tenth time in 30 minutes he gets up and walks

out.

I'm thinking it must be too much for him.......

He'll never look at me the same.

Our marriage is over.

But wait........I hear something.........

Is that the microwave???

Are you freakin kiddin me?

I guess a woman can never get in between a man and his food.

Love Letter To My Husband

In honor of Valentines Day this post is for you.

There are so many things I love about you.



You have been my rock, a constant in my life.



We have been through more in six years than most couples endure over a lifetime.



Our love speaks volumes to still be going strong.



Today I am more in love with you than I've ever been.





Here are just a few reasons why:



1. You stood by my side through sickness and health.



2. You encourage me to keep reaching when something seems unreachable.



3. You know when to just be quiet and give me a hug.



4. You rub my feet during movies (the whole movie).



5. You help around the house with cleaning and cooking more than any other man I know.



6. You put in long days and hours at work to provide for your family.



7. When I ask for help you help without hesitation.



8. I see you in Jalyn's smile.



9. You love dogs:)


10. You are the most incredible daddy, giving your time and love so unselfishly.





I love you so much babe.



This is me screaming it from the roof tops.



Happy Valentines Day

Our Version of a Night Out........

When the kids are nestled all snug in their beds, the fun begins. And no, I'm not talking about that kind of fun (get your mind out of the gutter!)

Our Christmas gift to each other was a new camera. Tariq is learning how to operate the gazillion buttons this thing has and how to crop and use photo shop (to my advantage). "Natural light" is not my friend.

We stayed up way too late last night. Tariq with his camera and I as his model.

Someday, we will retire ourselves from the medical field and take on photography.

Someday........