Wednesday, July 22, 2009

No Need To Ask Why.......

I vowed to exude positivity this year. The gods above continue to send challenges my way (at least this is how I view it) yet I remain determined to prove to them that in every situation I can and will find the good.

Jalyn's party was a success. The cake turned out well, well for a gal that has no idea what she's doing. The mess I made during the process was incredible! The kids went crazy when they saw the cake and even crazier when they heard I made it. Making your child's birthday cake is so worth the extra chaos. Jalyn was so excited watching the whole process from beginning to end. He chose yellow and strawberry cake layered with fresh strawberries in between. It was absolutely scrumptious.

As you can see, the party was Mario Brothers themed. Even though it was a simple party with only three boys, it is still important to me to bring all of the birthday elements together for a special day. He received amazing gifts! Lego's, Lego's....more Lego's, a marshmallow shooter, dinosaur puzzle and some new items for first grade. J is a very lucky boy.

The women of the party.
What are those silly boys doing out there?
My friend Laura came and brought her daughter Brooklynn. Tariq was on call so she came to help me out with the dinner etc.......Thanks Laura!!!
Here comes the rain I referred to early on in this post.
I received a call from the cardiologist yesterday regarding the stress test I had a week ago. The results showed that I was back into heart failure with an ejection fraction (shows how well your heart is pumping with normal being anywhere from 50-65% or even higher in some people) of 40%. My EF prior was 55-58%. To be completely honest, I shut myself in my closet (trying to shield the children from my emotion)screamed and cried and allowed myself this reaction for a few minutes...then time to suck it up, deal with it and move on with whatever needed to be done. I've beat it before and if needed, I'll beat it again. They requested that I come in today for an echo cardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) for a more specific reading. My Mr came home immediately from work cancelling all appointments for the day and my dear mother and father-n-law came and took the children for lunch and play at their house. Tariq calmed me down, took me to lunch and then tucked me into bed. I slept from 1-6pm.
Jalyn follows me everywhere I go and I mean everywhere. Some new phase I assume. He heard my cries and wondered why. After I calmed down I explained it to him like this:
"When you were born you know that mommy's heart became very sick but with time I got better. Well, mommy's heart might be sick again, but with time it will get better again. But mommy is sad because it's not fun to be sick...right? Tomorrow mommy will go for a test to see just how sick my heart is. But everything will be OK just like it was the first time. I love you and this is in no way your fault or anyone else for that matter. We will continue to love each other and live our lives just the same, nothing will change."
His response went like this:
J: "I want to go with you to your test."
M: "Baby you cannot go, they do not allow anyone to come in the room."
J: "Well there's a waiting room isn't there?"
M: "Yes but it will be very early. Miss Laura will be here when you wake up and I might even be home before you wake".
Then he gave me the biggest hug ever and asked what was for dinner.
Things always happen for a reason and I'm a true believer in that statement. In everything, there is something be learned.
It is almost a guarantee that I will be placed on the cocktail of heart medications all over again which (pardon my french) totally sucks as they drain every ounce of energy you might have left after raising two children. However, if it means no energy verses a decreasing heart function....well then the choice is obvious.
My mother-n-law gave me a jewelry box with this scripture on the front during my bout with heart failure the first time around and since then I have read it daily.
For I know the plans I have made for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
I believe I am not in harms way, but in God's hands.
And just to lighten things up a bit, here are a few pictures of the things that make me smile and bring the most comfort.

My boy Amir. He has lost so much weight since being on thyroid medication. I'm so darn proud of the boy...and to think we made fun of his plumpness (we lovingly call him sausage on sticks because he looks like a sausage and his legs look like sticks, don't know how they hold him up:) and deprived him of his favorite snack when it really wasn't his fault at all....Bad mommy moment! Oh to have the life of a dog!

Tariq and I were cleaning out my bathroom and Leila took a liking to my velcro rollers. She kept them in her hair the entire evening! What a beauty eh?

See??? All is good in the world after all, no matter what.


  1. We'll be praying for you in the morning. My sweet little Kyrg babies know how to pray and their AMENS are amazing!

  2. We'll be praying too! You are most definitely in His hands and that is the safest place to be :) Let me know if there is anything else i can do from here, okay?