Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Here We Go Again

Ding Ding! Rouuunnnnd Twwwoooo!
I am back in heart failure.

The Diagnosis:
I received the call today. The reason it took so long is because there is subjectivity in reading Echo results. My Nurse Practitioner had three specialists review my echo at different times only knowing my history and current symptoms. All agreed unanimously that my new EF is closer to 40%, a definite decline. Tariq explained what's going on to me in layman's terms (even us nurses need that sometimes:). My heart is not pumping efficiently from the bottom and it's placing increase demand on my septum (wall that separates the ventricles of the heart) causing stress on my valves therefore causing regurgitation of the mitral and pulmonic valves.

What Next:
I was asked to come in today to have a "King of Hearts" placed on my chest, a monitor for one month. I think that name is cute! They drew a slug of labs to try and figure out the why behind all of this and gave me scripts for the heart medications.

And Me?
So how am I doing? Well I haven't had time to think of that really. Jalyn has been with me and I'm trying (and doing a rather good job if I don't say so myself!) to stay positive and not cry in front of him. I limited my phone conversations to my hubby and nanny to coordinate care for Leila so that Jalyn wouldn't have to hear this over and over and realize something is very wrong here. He knows that mommy's heart is sick again, and it will get better again. That's all his little heart needs to know.

The Outlook:
A repeat echo in 3 months so see if medications improved heart function. If not, well let's just say we'll cross that bridge if it comes shall we? The first gal to decline after successful recovery did so after six months of obtaining a normal EF. She then went on to receive a heart transplant and is doing well. If you get on-line and read (I don't advise this, but need to take my own advice) you will find a rather grim outcome predicted. HOWEVER, much of the research is talking about women who had subsequent babies not about women like me. I refuse to think this way. I have total faith that with proper medications my heart will once again recover.

My Team:
The team that helped me through once is there and ready again. None of us thought we would ever deal with this again so it's definitely a surprise, but were all in for another fight. There is not one person that surrounds me that this doesn't effect in one way or another. Everyone is being so strong, not breaking down or freaking out (at least in front of me) and I thank you so much for that. I need your strength (I pull from it), I need your battle gear on and I need your love more than anything. I feel lifted up in the Lord's hands and I KNOW He will pull me through. There was a reason the first time and I trust there is a reason now.


  1. This was in my devotional for this morning.

    "Behold, He cometh with clouds.

    In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. "The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet." The clouds are a sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow and bereavement and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near without clouds, He does not come in clear shining."

    On my knees for you.

  2. Sissy,

    As I read your entry, all I can do is tear up! You are one of the strongest woman I know, you never give up or back down. Remember you are surrounded by people who love you and will do anything for you.

    Life is HARD but GOD is GOOD!!! All my thoughts and prayers are with you always. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or to just vent... I am always HERE!!

    LOTS of love and FAITH,

    Your Sissy

  3. Kelli,
    We are praying for you. You are one of the strongest and most courageous women I have ever met, and we believe with all our hearts that you will recover. A friend once told me of a quote and I don't remember the author, but it said something like "everything is meaningful even if it is in a sense beyond our understanding, and there is always tomorrow." I wanted to share it with you . . . it inspires me to keep fighting, as I know you will.