Thursday, March 11, 2010

I Read A Story Today In The Paper

about a young woman (my age) that was diagnosed with breast cancer soon after the birth of her first child, a little girl.

A blog she kept chronicled her last months where she fought a valiant fight to remain here on earth for her little girl. She tried every treatment that was offered, even experimental options. One thing was certain, she wanted her daughter to know her mother was a fighter and never gave up.

On Valentines Day she received a call from her doctor: The cancer had spread and the time and come to live and let go of the fight. This mommy began taping videos for her daughter to watch for nearly every event she would one day miss from first dates to periods to weddings and children, she captured almost everything she wanted to before time ran out. Words on her blog stayed ever so positive and uplifting despite the tragedy they were living. This mama kept her sense of humor until the very end.

I turned the page and wiped my tears.

I had to do something.......something..........

Do I give to breast cancer research in honor of her?

Do I give to her husband and daughter?

Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

I was meant to read this article for this very reason:

I don't need to give money, cash has no value in heaven nor in the way this woman lived her life.

I have been living my life for tomorrow. The best way I can honor this incredible woman is to live the life that she couldn't for as long as I can.

Opening the door to Leila's room during nap time only to find play time and disasters used to set me off. Now, I take pictures.

I have asked Jalyn to get dressed only to find myself asking him to change what he had put on because it didn't match. Now, I compliment him on his choices.

These are the days I remember and count my blessings to have lived them. To cherish and nurture your marriage is by far and away the best gift you can give your children. I am here! I am here! And I've often been left to wonder if I would be. For now, I am here and I don't plan on going anywhere, but if I do, my husband will know he was loved and my children will know that mommy was madly in love with daddy.

I had a child, biologically. It was a painful time to be told that future children were not an option for me. I relished my pregnancy, not knowing it would be my last. I captured every minute of this child's life, not knowing it wouldn't be my last.

God had a plan for us. The cards had been dealt but I had yet to play. Another child joined our family in an unconventional way and boy was it a journey I will never forget.

This was me, leaving my child behind. You can see the emotion on my face. This time in my life was one big state of shock, literally. I will never forget this feeling of leaving a child. Never. At this point we've bonded and she was mine. I had to fight like hell to bring her home and I'd do it all over again.
I am very blessed to live this life. The best gift we as mothers can give to those unable to be with their children, is to love our own in memory of them. To remember the bigger picture and what is truly important.

The little stuff doesn't matter, never did.
Thank you for teaching me this lesson.


  1. Very eloquently put, Britches. And a very good reminder for each and every one of us. Thanks for sharing this.

  2. What a very beautiful post. Thank you!