Saturday, May 16, 2009

Dedicated To My Children and My Mother

"What a great mom you are"
replied Laura, our friend and nanny as I prepared a fun afternoon snack for my children. Tears filled my eyes as those simple words filled my heart with such joy and appreciation. You see, I can count on one hand the number of times that someone has said these words to me since I became a mom six years ago.
So the question becomes what constitutes the making a "good mom"?
All moms have different belief systems, different rules, different goals and ideals for their children. Some moms even raise one child and realize certain things they need to do differently the next time around and so on. We (moms) are always evolving, re-adjusting our goals over time. Over the years, my choices as a parent have been questioned, analyzed and quite frankly judged. However, I stand strong as I have faith in the choices Tariq and I have made regarding our children. When a decision in our house needs to be made, we always start the conversation with one question: What is best for our children? We always have our two children in the front of our minds, always.
I don't feel the need to explain our reasoning to others but have found myself doing so from time to time.

I had stated earlier on that I am partly keeping a blog for my children. If something happened to me and I could no longer express my thoughts and feelings, they would have my thoughts on paper to look back on. They could see what was important to their mom over the years. Sometimes I write silly stuff that quite frankly I'm shocked anyone would read and other times I write about something serious and close to my heart. Today is one of those "serious" days. The following message is dedicated to my children. This is what is important to your mom:

A happy marriage equals happy children.
Our marriage is our priority. Kids pick up on how mom and dad feel about each other. If they see two parents that love each other they will feel secure. This is why your mom and dad have date nights. It is important for us to have time alone together and reconnect, it is vital to our marriage in this busy time in our lives. We hire a babysitter or family watches you for our nights together. We are nothing to our kids if we are not content in our marriage. Take this time when you are grown and married with children. Nurture your marriage, a happy mom and dad is the best gift you will ever give to your children. When the children grow up and move away, you don't want to look at your spouse and think who are you or where have you been all these years? You will want to be in love with the person you are with as you now have all the time in the world together! Unfortunately others may look at you and say you are being selfish, why don't you want to be home with your children. You look at them and tell them, I'm giving my children the best gift ever; a happy glowing mommy or a rested daddy.

Friday nights are sacred and not to be spent doing anything but Family Movie Night. We watch a movie that the kids pick and make popcorn in Jalyns machine that Santa brought. Your dad and I chose to have one night a week that is not open for time with friends or going out anywhere. This is our night to re-connect as a family after a long week of being busy and apart from each other. I hope you choose to bring this concept (or something similar) into your families one day. It has brought such closeness to our family, not to mention something for the kids to look forward to all week.

I love you unconditionally. I may not always agree with the choices you make in life but I will never judge you. There is nothing you could ever do that you can't talk to your dad or I about. We may not like the choices you make, but we will always love you. I will never give you advice unless you ask for it. You will make mistakes throughout life, when you are young and when you are old, but from every mistake that you make you will grow from it. Make your mistakes, learn from your mistakes, and always know you can come to us for advice.

This message is to Leila. Your life story is unique and incredibly amazing. We have God to thank for bringing our family together against all odds. When you came into our family, we became complete. Share your story with whom you trust and love. This is your choice, not mine or anyone else for that matter. Keep your story and your birth country close to your heart, you were born in an amazing place.

Jalyn and Leila, you are all each other has (now I'm sounding like MY mom:) Don't let any disagreement rob you from a life full of memories. You will say things you regret, you will make decisions that will hurt the other and you have the right to feel hurt and upset. Talk to each other about it, share your thoughts and feelings as to why you were hurt, apologize and move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge. I am not asking the impossible here, my brother and I have had our moments and that's all they were...moments. Nothing compared to a lifetime of good times.

To my mom:
Now that I'm a mom I realize what you went through, the times I made you crazy. I do so apologize. I have such great memories that you and dad gave to me that I hold dear, and now I'm sharing some of those very same memories with my own children. You were and still are the most amazing mom and my best friend. Thank you for talking to me each and every day, for listening to me when I'm upset, and for giving advice when I need it/ask for it and for holding back when you know I don't want to hear it:) You are a constant in my life and I'm partly who I am today because of you. I love you.

You guys are my world and I'm so thankful to God for all the blessings He has brought to my life. No matter what happens in life, always have faith in God. He has a plan for you and you may not always agree or understand His plan, but trust me, there is a reason for everything that happens to you in life. You may realize His reason later or you may never know, but always trust Him. God will never abandon you or leave you, talk to Him about anything.

I love you my two beautiful children, I love you to the moon and back.

To all you mama's out there reading this, YOU ARE GREAT MOMS! Trust in your reasoning in raising your children and don't let anyone doubt or judge you. It's a waste of time and letting it hurt you or eat you up inside does nothing but take a piece of you away from your husband and kids. Thank you to all the Mom's throughout my life that helped mold me into the mother that I am today. You taught me many things, and I'm so blessed to have these women in my life.

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