I Just Can't Hide It!

It's time that I let you all in on the plans for Rie's Dialogues, and I'm so gosh darn excited I can hardly contain myself!

Rie's Dialogues is currently being redesigned and moving to it's very own website to allow for more creativity and freedom on my part.

The most wonderful part of all is that I get to thank you, my delicious readers whom I adore, by having a GRAND GIVEAWAY! I appreciate the fact that you tune in to my little space to read what I have to say, it just totally melts my heart.

Here is just a taste of the wonderful ladies in my life willing to gift you, just for being you!!!

*Blue Lily Photography

*Crystal B Handcrafted Jewelry

*Citefuzz

*Single Stone Studios

*The Vintage Pearl

*Atomic Creative Designs (The lady responsible for creating my new design!)

Stay tuned for all of the details and updates as to when the launch of the new Rie's Dialogues will take place!

XOXO
Rie

Out In The Garden

Lord knows I have b**c**d and groaned about the place in which we live.

If only I lived here or if only I lived there I would do X, Y and Z.

Well today, X happened.

I may end up with a death rate of 90% (and no this has nothing to do with my being a hospice nurse), but at least I tried.

I planted a garden... in the desert.

By gosh, I cannot change my circumstances so I decided to change my attitude.

I kept saying to myself "we don't have the right backyard, or the right amount of sunlight in any given area, the soil here is horrible." Yet I watched as many here in the desert planted and enjoyed the fruits of their efforts.

So why not me?



The children enjoyed playing in the dirt and helping mama.


And here, you see? The fruits of my labor.
A perfect green pepper.


And delicious cherry tomatoes that taste like sugar and "real tomatoes" as my family puts it.


Just like everything in life, there is no perfect moment, no perfect conditions to try something new. Simply, our fears should not guide our actions. Sure I've pulled out a few

dead plants, and perhaps I will have spent more while trying to save more but in the process I'm learning about myself and how can you put a price on that?

XOXO

Rie

Pain and Gain

Another surgical procedure, another tough week. This old back of mine just won't cooperate. And I need it to cooperate more than ever! I've just been accepted into nursing school for the fall to complete my RN!!!

Not only that, but some super exciting things are happening here at Rie's Dialogues.
Some super big changes, and some SUPER BIG GIVE-AWAYS that I promise YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS!!!

It's going to be so amazing.

Stay tuned.......

A Piece of Home.....

Actually a BIG piece of home is here with me now and I am gobbling up every bit of it. If I couldn't go to that dock, by gosh the man responsible for building that dock came to me. After reading my post about that "little old dock", my dad said when mowing the lawn yesterday he looked at the dock and began to cry (sorry dad for exposing your sensitive side). I don't think he knew how special that small piece of earth is to me. How I appreciate the effort and work it took to build it. I love it all, everything my mom and he created, because all the little things have made me the woman I am today. I hope they realize that.



I spent the afternoon preparing my homemade chicken pot pie because there is nothing better than coming off a long flight to a home cooked meal. After one bite my dad said "this reminds me of my grandma's". WOW, I was speechless. There is no greater compliment I could have received.
(An apron I made for my sister-n-law)

Simply put, they are EXACTLY what I needed right now.

I'm going to be taking a small blogger break to celebrate my beautiful girl (more to come on that soon), and to prepare for the difficult days that are to follow (more on that to come as well).



Rie

New Day

One of God's greatest gifts is that we awake to a new day where the problems of yesterday are just that, the problems of yesterday.

A new diagnosis will not change who I am at my core; wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and above all, faithful.

A new diagnosis may change my direction but it will not change my soul nor the people that ride along on this journey with me.

So while I wait for the results, I will not let worry consume the here and now.

I am A-OK.

That Little Old Dock

I have been a terrible blogger this week. Truth is I wanted to tell you, my extended family, what has been weighing on my heart but for some reason I had a very difficult time writing it.

Turns out that what doctors thought was post-partum cardiomyopathy (heart failure brought on by pregnancy) may not be what I have/had at all. The Mr and I had our suspicions since day one that my immune system was to blame and we told everyone so. However, there was neither a person that took us seriously or the research to guide them so my diagnosis stood.

It turns out that I may very well have an immune system disorder in which your antibodies will attack your heart/lungs if a foreign body (fetus) is presented. This would also explain why my heart failure returned because with PPCM heart failure NEVER returns unless you were to get pregnant again.

I was told to have another child would be fatal therefore doctors recommended a hysterectomy. Now, if this new diagnosis is correct, I could have had more children biologically.

A firm believer in everything that's meant to be will happen, I know if anything had been different, we wouldn't have our little Kyrgyz princess and I simply can not imagine a life without her in it.

With that being said though, the choice was taken away from me. If I wanted today to have another biological child, well, I can't.

It sucks.

The one place that could ease this pain is home. Home in Michigan, 2000 miles away, where in the backyard lies a humble little dock extending over a pond. I want nothing more than to dangle my feet over it's edge and watch the movement of the water distort images of trees and birds.

All of my problems growing up were pondered on that dock. Oh those problems seemed so big at the time; boys, mean girls, bad grades. I needed nothing more than a little time on that dock and I would have a certain inner peace about life. It is a magical little place.



My life reflects the life of that little dock. I've faced the harsh elements and they've left their scars and splinters. The elements may rock and weaken it's boards but because it was built with care and purpose, it will withstand the test of time.

This was the dock that built me.

MY Wild Thing

"Mom! Taste this, tell me if it tastes OK!" Jalyn proclaims as he shoves his chocolate milk, no ice extra whip Starbucks treat in my face. So, I taste.

"HA HA!!! You just tasted my burp!" he yells loud and proud as he swiftly runs away.

For our Friday Family Movie Night we watched Where the Wild Things Are....I live with two wild things of the human race and three of the canine. My house can feel like one gigantic hut where things are naturally destroyed and chaos is a way of life.

Boys are an interesting species. They are batty and berserk; inquisitive and intrusive; independent and informal. Requiring little more than an open range to explore and mark their territory, seriously. Did you know that boys pee on anything, anywhere and actually prefer the yard to a toilet?

With all the lunacy a boy brings you would think we, moms of boys, would be admitted to the nut house ***Visiting hours closed between 7pm and 8am*** But the love of a boy is exclusive and rare and a mother's true privilege. They fiercely adore and defend our honor, enjoy our embraces for much longer than girls and would readily give their last Lego if our life depended on it.

Yes my boy is a wild creature whom at times can be difficult to tame---but do I really want him to evolve into a more docile form of species? That would in fact, deny his true authentic self, his genuine boyhood.

Goo-Goo eyes from my son sends flutters to the depth of my very soul. I love the boy, completely and true. Caveman-like qualities and all. My Wild Thing has me--hook line and sinker, right where I'm meant to be.

A Mother's Heart

I am team mom for Jalyn's football team, the Vipers.

On his team is a young mom of two children. She looks 20 at best and her children are 13 and 8. You do the math........does it add up? It didn't to me either. Recently I've become closer to this mom and we had a chat.

Her sister passed away from post-partum cardiomyopathy after the birth of her second son. Sound familiar? At the tender age of 18 my friend adopted her sisters two sons and gave them a wonderful life. She is beautifully mature and these are her children, no one would know any different.

The love and depth of commitment I see on her face for these children takes my breath away.

At this moment I am so grateful for my life. I may never know why my life was spared, but I do know that had fate had other plans for me you would see the same depth of love and commitment on these four women's faces for my children.

Women are the glue that holds a family together. We are there for each other in times of desperation and in joy.

We celebrate each others strengths and bridge the gap of our weaknesses.

We blissfully love their children as our own, a love only another mother knows.

Had my life ended, these women would have carried on my legacy through my children. There is no greater gift in the world.

I would not be the mother I am today without the divine intervention of these women. They stood for me in unity when I couldn't stand for myself.

You four women have moved heaven and earth for me at some point during my life. Our lives will always be linked as women who came to be family by circumstance but stand together by choice.

XOXO,
Rie

Super Husband. Super Dad.

Today I rolled over in bed and painfully placed my feet on the floor. I needed to get Leila to school and return home to rest.

The house was still, not a noise to be heard.

Leila was at school and so was J. My husband, that wonderful man, that wonderful man.

The hustle and bustle of life can tune out all of the wonderful things that people do for us daily. My Mr. had a busy day of work ahead yet he managed to get both kiddo's out of the house and to school so I could rest my achy back and legs for a little while longer.

Sunday morning he came in from the garage bearing all sorts of meats from the fridge. Soon the house was filled with all sorts of delicious smells; garlic, onions and bbq out on the grill. "You won't feel like making dinner the next few days so I'm making them for you" he says.

Date nights consisting of movies and fancy dinners all have their place in a happy marriage but what is most romantic to me is my Mr's ability to foresee my needs in the near future and meet them.

My mother-n-law has been so helpful as well and I can't thank her enough. Kids were bathed and nestled snug in their beds the night of my procedure. She picked them up from school yesterday and I was told not to make dinner tonight, Jidu will be bringing something delicious over.

It takes a small army to keep a family functioning when a mom or dad is not up to par. I couldn't be more grateful for the friends and family that surround us and jump into our places so flawlessly that the children don't even bat an eye at the changes.

I am one lucky woman.

Dream Land

Today I had double steroid injections into my lower back in the hopes of warding off another surgery for many years.

The only word that's coming to mind right now is OUCH!!!

So........I'm under the weather today and will write my next post in a few days.

My favorite thing EV-AR is napping with my furry sons. Their warm bodies and soft fur are a delicious recipe for a long afternoon snooze.

Kisses,

Rie