Monday, August 17, 2009


I look into Leila's eyes and wonder if she would even remember me.
I am thankful that I was healthy enough at one time to experience the joy in saving a child's life.
No matter what happens, she is far better off here with only a daddy than in Kyrgyzstan, alone.
I can only hope that the love I have given her thus far could last her a lifetime.

I watch Jalyn play and I'm thankful he's old enough to know his mommy loves him.
He understands what is going on even though we've told him very little.
He is Mommy's Boy. He holds me and comforts me and brings me such joy.

It is my greatest fear to leave my children. But when I look into their innocent eyes or watch them play quietly, I am reminded that my time with them has truly been a blessing. These are God's children and He choose me to raise them on this earth. I am so blessed that He choose me in the first place.

I have had so many write and say that I have been such an inspiration to them. I have a difficult time in seeing myself as so, but am honored nonetheless. I know each and every one of you that has said those very words to me. I know your character and your strength. You would do the very same thing. You would put your children first just as I have. You would have faith that the road ahead is paved by God so that no matter where it leads, it is where you are meant to go. So I'm going to tell you the same thing a very special person said to me: When you are searching for inspiration, look in the mirror. We each have our own experiences with disappointment, being lost and overcoming the most difficult times.

Look in the mirror and recognize that you yourself are an inspiration. That you are brave.
I'm finally able to do this myself.


  1. Kelli,

    I know people say that emails and journal entries have no emotion but the journal entry you just wrote brought tears to my eyes. I think every mom asks those same questions... healthy or ill. I think as a parent you wonder if your kids know exactly what you do for them and know just HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM. Bottom line is they know... they really do. The way they say your name, the way they squeeze you when they hug you and that look in their eyes when they see you enter a room. They will always know you and will ALWAYS remember you as MOM.

    No matter what happens... I dont think we would let them ever forget who you are and how much you loved them. Mommys can NEVER be replaced or forgotten.

    With all the love in the world,
    Love... your sister

  2. I truly believe in the encouraging and healing power of music. Yesterday I heard the song He is with you by Mandisa. Perhaps you have already heard it, but if not take a listen and let God strengthen you from underneath.

  3. Kelli - I cant imagine the thoughts that race through your mind right now - leaving our kids behind is the most horrifying, scary thought.... but remember in the power of positive thinking. I truly believe it has a healing quality...My thoughts are with you - hope to see you soon!