Reflections of One Crazy Day

When the sun has set and the moon rises into the warm summer sky I-- apply my chap stick, mist my pillow with lavender vanilla, climb into bed pulling the covers up around my shoulders, kiss my husband and reflect upon the day in which I have just had the pleasure of living.

Am I proud of what I accomplished today?

Did I treat those around me as I would like to be treated?

Did I do something nice for somebody?

Did I say a prayer for some anonymous person in passing?

Sometimes, I fall short. On nights such as these, I wonder how I can do different tomorrow.

Life can become so hectic; we feel like the world is spinning when standing completely still--And then we forget to be thankful and follow the cardinal rule.

Today my life was hectic in every way possible. But tonight, when the moon rises above our home and my feet follow that familiar path, I will lay my head down and feel nothing but peace because I:

Treated everyone around me with respect and the attention they deserved.
Have done all I can to ensure that the children that want to play football, WILL.
Taught the little girl next door how to pick tomatoes and a chili pepper from my garden.
Formed amazing new friendships.
Had an amazing conversation with someone that reminded me that life is too short to focus on what other's choose to do or rather, not do; to focus my attention on my choices--Karma Baby!

The icing on the cake??? Someone accidentally took Leila's backpack home with them from school which had her beloved "aimpies" (her blanket she has slept with every night since landing in the U.S.). The owner of the school tracked it down, picked it up from that little girls house and hand delivered it right to my doorstep. Seriously, God led us to this school. We are so blessed to be a part of their family.

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life--happiness, freedom and peace of mind--are always attained by giving them to someone else."
Peyton Conway March

XOXO
Rie

New Day

One of God's greatest gifts is that we awake to a new day where the problems of yesterday are just that, the problems of yesterday.

A new diagnosis will not change who I am at my core; wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and above all, faithful.

A new diagnosis may change my direction but it will not change my soul nor the people that ride along on this journey with me.

So while I wait for the results, I will not let worry consume the here and now.

I am A-OK.

That Little Old Dock

I have been a terrible blogger this week. Truth is I wanted to tell you, my extended family, what has been weighing on my heart but for some reason I had a very difficult time writing it.

Turns out that what doctors thought was post-partum cardiomyopathy (heart failure brought on by pregnancy) may not be what I have/had at all. The Mr and I had our suspicions since day one that my immune system was to blame and we told everyone so. However, there was neither a person that took us seriously or the research to guide them so my diagnosis stood.

It turns out that I may very well have an immune system disorder in which your antibodies will attack your heart/lungs if a foreign body (fetus) is presented. This would also explain why my heart failure returned because with PPCM heart failure NEVER returns unless you were to get pregnant again.

I was told to have another child would be fatal therefore doctors recommended a hysterectomy. Now, if this new diagnosis is correct, I could have had more children biologically.

A firm believer in everything that's meant to be will happen, I know if anything had been different, we wouldn't have our little Kyrgyz princess and I simply can not imagine a life without her in it.

With that being said though, the choice was taken away from me. If I wanted today to have another biological child, well, I can't.

It sucks.

The one place that could ease this pain is home. Home in Michigan, 2000 miles away, where in the backyard lies a humble little dock extending over a pond. I want nothing more than to dangle my feet over it's edge and watch the movement of the water distort images of trees and birds.

All of my problems growing up were pondered on that dock. Oh those problems seemed so big at the time; boys, mean girls, bad grades. I needed nothing more than a little time on that dock and I would have a certain inner peace about life. It is a magical little place.



My life reflects the life of that little dock. I've faced the harsh elements and they've left their scars and splinters. The elements may rock and weaken it's boards but because it was built with care and purpose, it will withstand the test of time.

This was the dock that built me.

Where is He?

If you're thinking about tomorrow, you're not living today.

Today is so wonderfully beautiful for it's very own reason, though we may not always see it.

I have every reason to think about tomorrow. I almost died after my son was born. There was more than a possibility he would be raised by his father and without a mother. I went into a deep depression. I can still hear the echo's of well-intentioned people saying "stay positive", "there have been studies showing that negative things happen to negative people", "where is your faith?" and the ever-SO-not-helpful "everything will be just fine". I did not raise my son for six months, therefore we did not bond until much later. I did not even feel like a mother. I had no energy to fix a bottle, change a diaper or feed my handsome boy.

The years ahead were filled with challenges; hysterectomy, cancer scare (twice), meningitis, gall bladder removal and eventually the return of my heart failure. And throughout I would continually ask "why me?"

When my daughter was burned and then left to die on someones front door step in the middle of an incredibly harsh winter, I wondered, where is God in all of this?

Science is science. Our anatomy is fragile, things go terribly wrong. Physics are physics. When tragedy strikes it's Christian nature to ask "where is God in all of this"?

Where was God when I was fighting for my life and not able to be the mother he had blessed me to be? Where was God when my daughter was left to die? Where is God when an innocent child's life is taken? Where is God when children are orphaned and fighting for their lives just waiting for a family to adopt them?

I now know for myself exactly where He is.

He is in the doctors and nurses. He is in the selfless orphanage staff that does their very best to bring life back into these children. He is in the people that show up when we can't show up for ourselves. He is, simply put, the love that surrounds us when our world is falling apart, holding it all together. God doesn't cause these terrible things to happen. Bad things happen to good people and bad people, tragedy does not discriminate.

I've had to work very hard not to worry about the future. Everyday a thought will creep into my head wondering what's around the corner. When you've been through the worst, you realize the worst does happen. "Rare" is no longer rare. You take no comfort in any ones advice or medical statistics. And this is completely normal, completely realistic and completely OK. I no longer feel badly about expecting the worse.

But what I do know, is that no matter what lies ahead for me, God will show up. I think about today only and cherish what I have in the here and now. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11. I place my worries in His hands and focus on living the life He has planned for me.

Now that I've pulled myself together...

I would like to share a story with you.

A story that touched my heart deeply.

Upon entering a tiny dark-green shack locals called an orphanage, my whole world changed. My circumstances and everything I believed was turned upside down.

What my heart couldn't accept in the moment, other's hearts accepted for me.

I am so touched by Kelle's ability to share such raw emotion.

A child is a gift no matter the circumstances.

Read Kelle and Nella's story here

I Read A Story Today In The Paper

about a young woman (my age) that was diagnosed with breast cancer soon after the birth of her first child, a little girl.

A blog she kept chronicled her last months where she fought a valiant fight to remain here on earth for her little girl. She tried every treatment that was offered, even experimental options. One thing was certain, she wanted her daughter to know her mother was a fighter and never gave up.

On Valentines Day she received a call from her doctor: The cancer had spread and the time and come to live and let go of the fight. This mommy began taping videos for her daughter to watch for nearly every event she would one day miss from first dates to periods to weddings and children, she captured almost everything she wanted to before time ran out. Words on her blog stayed ever so positive and uplifting despite the tragedy they were living. This mama kept her sense of humor until the very end.

I turned the page and wiped my tears.

I had to do something.......something..........

Do I give to breast cancer research in honor of her?

Do I give to her husband and daughter?

Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

I was meant to read this article for this very reason:

I don't need to give money, cash has no value in heaven nor in the way this woman lived her life.

I have been living my life for tomorrow. The best way I can honor this incredible woman is to live the life that she couldn't for as long as I can.

Opening the door to Leila's room during nap time only to find play time and disasters used to set me off. Now, I take pictures.

I have asked Jalyn to get dressed only to find myself asking him to change what he had put on because it didn't match. Now, I compliment him on his choices.

These are the days I remember and count my blessings to have lived them. To cherish and nurture your marriage is by far and away the best gift you can give your children. I am here! I am here! And I've often been left to wonder if I would be. For now, I am here and I don't plan on going anywhere, but if I do, my husband will know he was loved and my children will know that mommy was madly in love with daddy.

I had a child, biologically. It was a painful time to be told that future children were not an option for me. I relished my pregnancy, not knowing it would be my last. I captured every minute of this child's life, not knowing it wouldn't be my last.

God had a plan for us. The cards had been dealt but I had yet to play. Another child joined our family in an unconventional way and boy was it a journey I will never forget.

This was me, leaving my child behind. You can see the emotion on my face. This time in my life was one big state of shock, literally. I will never forget this feeling of leaving a child. Never. At this point we've bonded and she was mine. I had to fight like hell to bring her home and I'd do it all over again.
I am very blessed to live this life. The best gift we as mothers can give to those unable to be with their children, is to love our own in memory of them. To remember the bigger picture and what is truly important.

The little stuff doesn't matter, never did.
Thank you for teaching me this lesson.

Remember When

Life felt free and your worst nightmare was forgetting your homework? When responsibilities consisted of feeding the animals, making your bed and brushing your teeth twice daily?

I remember a day back in 2003 when my responsibility became surviving post-partum cardiomyopathy, and I did. Fast forward to current. When asked by many doctors about my history it has become natural for me to mention my PPCM. Until a week ago that is. An endodontist asked "is that still what they are calling it? You know, since it came back and all?" "Well", I replied, "I guess at this point it would be just cardiomyopathy".

Then yesterday at my cardiologists office I heard him tell the nurse that my new diagnosis is cardiomyopathy. So there it was, solidified in black in white, I am no longer a PPCM survivor. I am someone battling a very different disease, cardiomyopathy.

I would never expect this new diagnosis to effect me in this way, but it has. I no longer can prevent this by not getting pregnant. I can no longer be told that this won't return. This is a whole new game I'm playing and it's darn right scary because there is no control factor here. The only thing I can do is be a responsible patient by following a medication regimen and report anything unusual to my doctor. The rest is simply up to the Good Man Himself. The ironic thing is that no matter how much I have felt like the one in control, I never have been nor ever will be.

Life is a series of ever-changing responsibilities.

I bask in the glory of the little ones and thank God for the big ones, as there is something to learn from them all.

Progress Not Perfection

Nothing is worse than setting New Year's resolutions realizing you never held your end of the bargain from the previous year.

That was me, last year and mostly every year before that.


This year is different.

The reason?


My goals are Christ-focused taking ideas from the Bible itself.


"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

I have chosen to finish my education this year, or at least get the ball rolling this year. I have tried countless times and for whatever reason, it was not meant to be. I will try again, and if school is not in His plans for me it won't happen.


"An intelligent person aims at wise actions, but a fool starts off in many directions."
Proverbs 17:24

For I know that my path has already been determined and new things are waiting, whichever path I'm led to I will take. At the very least, I've started in a direction for Him to determine my path.


"The Lord says, 'Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing..."
Isaiah 43:18-19

The Bible has also said that our body is the temple of the holy spirit. I have been weak, ill and needy, in no condition to take on a new thing. I want God to be able to use me for the great things he has planned for my life, if I'm weak I am of no purpose to Him. This is why getting back into the gym, eating healthy and gaining a few pounds have become important goals in my life.

I have surrounded my life with "yes people", people that have said yes to the Lord and love and support my life and the plans He has for it. Whenever we embark on a new journey we cannot do it alone, for nothing great in life is ever accomplished alone.


Last but certainly not least I will focus on my progress not perfection.
I will never be the perfect mother, daughter, wife, student or friend. I can and have spent too much time comparing myself to other "perfect" women that surround me. There never seems to be a shortage of those that will point out our mistakes and imperfections. Truth is, none of us are perfect and time spent feeling inadequate is time wasted. Instead I have chosen to lift myself up when I'm not feeling as though I measure up. Three days a week in the gym is not my ideal goal but even one day is more than last year because my progress is more important than perfection.

And lastly I leave you with one of my favorite Bible verses that sums up this post.


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart: do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Welcome to this world Madisen Presley Bensen.

Daughter of my dear friends Scott and Laura.

New Year New Dreams

Off to Tucson we drove to camp for a whole week! Relaxation and quality time with the kids was calling our names. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans.

Our trailer almost tipped on it's side when one of the jacks broke. Our heater went out during the night with temperatures in the 30's. They don't allow campfires in Tucson (this perhaps was the biggest bummer of all). I chipped a tooth. My mother and father-n-law came along and their heat went out at night. They had a major leak that required a plumber. He came down with double pink-eye and she had a major allergic reaction requiring a trip to urgent care.

Needless to say, we threw in the towel.

The lesson we all learned: You cannot control what happens around you but you can control your own reactions. We chose to make the best of everything that happened and continue our vacation... at home.

I had a lot of time to think about the New Year and all the things I want to change, but settled on two.

1. I need to be healthier. I've already begun getting back into the gym, if only to walk a treadmill for 30 minutes.......it's a start. Breakfast is the most important meal and I've skipped it for years, not this year.

2. When we brought Leila home I made the decision to stay home and work my butt off getting her the best care to give her the best start. Dealing with the State to get her accepted into their program which provides free therapy was a full time job in itself. She was accepted and has received therapy mostly in our home two-three times weekly. There have been surgeries and there will be more.

In October, the public school system will take over the responsibility for therapy integrated in the preschool program. She will go four times a week. I will continue my part at home. But now this leads me to ask the question, what will I do with my time come October?

I'm ever so proud of the family we've created. The time has come to strengthen myself and in doing so, strengthen my family. I want my kids to be proud of their mom, proud of her accomplishments.

The time has come.

The big decision is that I will be going back to school to receive my RN. I only have one year left but it will be a difficult one. Sacrifices will have to be made but it's never going to be easy. I've prayed long and hard for many years and this year feels right to pursue my dream. When both children are in school full time, I can work and help support our family.

On New Year's Eve, I submitted requests from the three school's I've attended to have transcripts sent to our local nursing school. A symbolic event as I marked the New Year with new dreams.

May the force be with me eh?

What new dreams will you fulfill in 2010?

There Is Good In This World

I loaded Leila and presents in the car.

We were off to deliver gifts to a family in need.

A young mother of three fighting for her life, fighting for her house.

As I drove I thought of many things; how blessed I am to have a car to deliver these gifts, how blessed I am to have the resources to help another family and would someone be so kind to help my family if situations were reversed? To that question I can absolutely answer yes. I have seen far more good in this world than bad.

I pulled into the front of the house and met the social worker that suggested this family in particular. At the door I was greeting by a smiling young woman and three bouncing boys. We brought in present after present to each child's delight.

We sat on the couch and talked. In her eyes I saw fear, strength, sadness, fatigue and hope. I could have been looking in the mirror. She is my age, she had the same fear I had in my eyes not to long ago. This could be me easily, but it's not. I tell her that I care about her struggles and her fears. I pray for her daily, I pray she wins her fight as I won mine. I pray God gives her strength and energy to be the mom she needs and wants to be to her boys.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall watching her children's eyes light up on Christmas morning.

There is so much tragedy all around us. People that have lost or are loosing their loved ones, children without parents or that have lost a parent, those that have lost a child, those that have lost their health and those that are not able to provide a holiday meal.

I will close with just one thought: If you have your health and each other, you have everything. All the rest is circumstantial. Love on your babies and thank the Lord for them. On Christmas morning remember those that are suffering with grief and say a prayer that today, if only just today, God bring them peace removing the heavy weights they are carrying.

Cheers To That!

I came across an article the other day.

A mom talking about stress and the holidays and she offered up ideas to help. Now there were many wonderful ideas but this one in particular spoke to my very soul.

She schedules all routine medical appointments, household maintenance tune-ups, play dates and activities before the month of November.

Come November 1st, every day is for family, friends and relaxation until January 1st.

Inevitably some things cannot be helped but she's does her darnedest.

If you can't tell already by me posting this idea, let me just tell you.... I'm swiping it!

To heck with well checks, pest control, birthday parties (no offense), organizing the house, plumbers/electricians and play dates.

Next year come November 1st my calendar will be cleared.

I will use this time and get to the heart of the matter; friends, family, movie nights, date nights,

quiet moments with each child, local festivities and remembering what Christmas is all about.

Cheers to that idea mama!

Oh So Thankful

The past year has been a difficult one for many. Lots of families are struggling financially, lost loved ones, are in ill health and many families are in the fight of their life simply to bring their children home from overseas.

On Thanksgiving, it is important to count our blessings and recognize the positives as there are always positives if you truly search.

I am thankful for the following:

My son and the good choices he makes on a daily basis. It has been a struggle in teaching him that following others actions are not always the best choice. He has worked really hard and I'm so proud.

My daughter. It was not long ago that I wondered if she would ever come home and my heart and prayers truly go out to those families waiting. She has endured more than and child should ever have to and she's thriving. So proud of your accomplishments sissy.My husband. You are the one constant in my life and I look forward to many more years together.


Good health. Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you! You healed my heart again and everyday I have with my children is a blessing from you.

Family. Whenever times get tough we are always there for each other and that's what families are all about! Plus, life wouldn't be as interesting........

Jafar, Amir and Nasser. You three bring a smile to my face always, what is life without dogs? May I have another??? And no, I'm not crazy! (I can hear you Kristy!)

Friends. We may not see each other often but when we do it's like we've never been separated.

What are you thankful for?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Kisses,

Rie

Ahhhh, Pure Simplicity

Today I find myself appreciative of the simple things in life.

Darn those eight loads of laundry that never end, yet thankful that I'm here to make sure my family has clean clothes stocked in their drawers when they need them. The smell of fabric softener cuddles them with the love I feel, load after load after load.

Those dishes! Ugh! Get one load in the washer just in time for the pile that's overflowing the sinks turn. Though I'm here and able to load and unload over and over again. Dishes are done just in time to feed my family dinner. Again, washed with love.

My daughter won't nap. This is perhaps the most disappointing thing that can happen to a stay-at-home mother. That precious hour of me time that usually turns into what can I get done in this hour? But this day, this day, I was going to nap. Then I think, I have my daughter here with me, in my home, in my care while so many others are still waiting for their adoptions to go through. What those moms would give just to know their little ones are safe, loved and HOME.

The very best part of my day is seeing the yellow school bus roll over the hill. I watch the most adorable little man in saggy jeans and a grungy t-shirt marked with the days activities he accomplished without me, head my way. We head home for a hearty afternoon snack (honey-crisp apples with Carmel is the fav around these parts), to a home where he has clean pj's, dishes on the table for dinner and a whole lot of love to go around.

It's the simple things that we mothers do that tell our story of love. Being grateful in the fact that accomplishing these tasks rather effortlessly is an amazing gift. Sometimes these tasks can seem minimal and unimportant compared to what our spouses are accomplishing outside of the home. It's what we do during the day that shows our family that we love them. We love them enough to make sure there are clean clothes and dishes, afternoon snacks a mommy and wife that can't wait to see them when they return home.

I Am... Here.

I am where the sweet autumn breeze blows through my hair and sends little shivers up my spine.
I am where apples have begun their journey into cider.
I am where my daughter can play outside and feel damp grass under her tootsies.
I am where I can shop and plan for my sister-n-laws baby shower.

I am in Michigan.

I was in bed two weeks ago about to sleep. My soul ached to not be a part of a huge family celebration. My husband requested my presence in the den that night. On his computer screen was an airplane ticket straight to heaven, straight to my family.

I arrived Saturday evening, watched the Michigan game, had a bon fire, roasted marshmallows and thanked Tariq over and over for allowing me this time with my family.

Sunday was spent at the Wren, my favorite country store of all time. I had birthday money to spend and loved every minute of picking out the next item to join my collection of country decor.

Monday I drove into Milford to finalize the cake plans with the bakery. This cake has to be special, has to be unique. Leila and I spent the morning walking the quaint downtown stores, picked up something for brother back home, petting all the dogs that passed us along the way.

My soul needed this trip.

I have been reflecting on my path and the bumpy roads I have been on lately.
The one conclusion I have come to is that everything happens for a reason.
There is a purpose to my life.
My purpose, at least for now, is simply to live.
Live and enjoy the simple everyday pleasures we so often overlook.

What a wonderful life I have.

Movin On

I put on some amount of make-up daily, some day's more than others.
I dress like I have somewhere to go.
I purchased a new grown-up perfume since I've worn the same scent since high school.
I'm volunteering at least twice weekly at J's school.
Leila and I leave the house to go somewhere everyday.
Sewing is my new hobby and I just completed my first project, an apron.
We found a new church home that we adore and attend weekly.
I'm going to be baptized for the first time on my birthday weekend.

I made a conscious decision to do the above things to help me forget that I'm sick. I found that when I'm dressed up and feel good about myself, I'm able to trick myself and the feelings of dread disappear.

I'm not letting my sick heart take over my world. In fact, most days I don't even think about it anymore. Don't get me wrong, once in a great while I still have a good cry for as long as I need, wipe my tears and move on.

I'm really proud of myself.
It's easy to feel sorry for yourself, wonder why me and dwell on the negative.
It's more difficult, in the beginning at least, to concentrate on the positives.
I chose to have faith and trust that God is by my side and in control.

I trust I'm to learn something from this, maybe I already have.

One Week

One week was all that was needed.

A week of no cleaning, no cooking and no laundry.
Answered few e-mails, took few calls and sought permission to let prior important tasks slip.
Ate salty foods, avoided the gym and slept in.

One day spent at the pool with my children.
Was dared to take a ride on the wild water slide and accepted.
Played ring around the rosie.
Offered up my back for children to enjoy alligator rides.
Didn't watch the clock.

Retail therapy is always a great distraction.
Got crazy and let six-year-old pick entire school wardrobe.
Even crazier and let 21-month-old pick winter wardrobe.
Then down right foolish and picked myself out a nautical pair of jeans.
Handed 30% off coupon to the woman behind me in line who's face I could hardly see from the mountain of clothes she cradled for her children. Woman was beyond grateful.
Stopped in to Gymboree and handed an old lady purchasing a new pair of jeans for each and every one of her grandchildren, a 20% off coupon. "Can't you use this for your two beautiful ones dear?" "I sure could" I replied, "but I bet yours are just as beautiful". "They sure are and I appreciate this more than you could ever know."
Had a chat with another old lady in line at McDonald's. Discussed marriage, kids and a trait we had in common: Lack of breasts. She enjoyed her hot fudge sundae, I made sure to check before we left.

Enjoyed a day with a friend registering for her little miracle.
Laughed, gossiped and ate at the "OG".

A week to keep moving and find the positive road.

A week to let loose with no restraints, no appointments and no expectations.

Now I'm ready.

Thank you honey.

The Scent of Life

It's amazing how a scent can take you somewhere.

Somewhere back in time.

Somewhere towards the future.

This scent takes me home. I am reminded of leaves crunching under my feet, the crisp air, wearing my favorite sweaters, no doubt surrounded by family. I can hear the water wheel turn around and around and the buzz of bees that simply want a taste. Picking the perfect pumpkin and wagon rides.
This scent is freshly made apple cider and warm donuts.
The scent of autumn.

This scent always means something good is coming out of the kitchen. My husband is working hard and pouring his heart into a meal to feed his family. I hear the dishes clang as he is loud and anticipate the mess as he is messy. A masterpiece is upon us. I love my husband and the delicious food he feeds me. His food feeds my soul.
This scent is garlic and onions; my two favorite additives and his two kitchen staples.
The scent of love.

This scent is warm and cozy. I feel at piece as though nothing in the world matters. There are no expectations, no discussions and no other love exists like it. It's not always the greatest scent but it is the greatest feeling.
This scent is the love of my boys, my dogs; Jafar, Amir and Nasser.
The scent of fulfillment.

The day I received word that I am back in the battle of my life, I was blissfully shopping a sale at Bath and Body Works. As I was checking out the gal said: "Would you like to try our new sample coming out in September?" "Sure" I say. So I slathered it all over, I just loved this new scent.

The call came and I was devastated but had to keep calm and collected for my children. I had no time to process this news. My husband booked a massage for me to have some time to myself and escape from reality for just an hour. However, I chose not to escape. I chose to think about how I will move forward from here regardless of my health. Regardless if I decline or recover.

While the lady was gently massaging my soul and trying to put me to sleep for a while, I was thinking:
This scent I will remember forever. The scent of the lotion I slathered all over before my life was changed forever.
This scent is called:

P.S. I love you.

I believe this was no coincidence. I was being told by God that even though I was hurting and wondering why, He loved me and there is a plan. Have faith.

This scent is Hope.

Fair Weather Friends

"You are the rain that falls on my earth."

Jalyn tells me.

This could be taken either way.

He and I absolutely love the rain (when and if we ever see it!) However, rain to some is seen as a nuisance.

I reply "is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"A good thing mommy, and I hope you land on a rainbow."

What Jalyn was telling me is that I am his everything. In his five-year-old language, he is saying that no matter what ups and downs we encounter, we will face them together. When times are tough for me and us, he hopes that I'll land on a rainbow to catch my fall (as I am the rain.....follow me?)

Throughout life, we meet many people. Some come, some go, and some simply linger.

I've had many (as we all have) that come around much more often when they have something major going on in their lives.

I've spent numerous hours (away from my own dear ones) happily comforting those experiencing pain of all kinds.

Yet when their storm passes and one blows in my way they are no where to be found.

I have a handful of true friends that I know would be there for me through thick and thin, and they know that I would always be there for them, and a few is all anyone really needs to feel completely blessed.

It still stings when you've felt like you've given a piece of yourself to someone who was not sincere.

As I tucked Jalyn into bed tonight he looked up at me and said: "mommy, even when I'm old and it's not cool to hug mommies, I'm going to hug you anyway".

My little buddy, my best friend. You always make me laugh. Thank you for always reminding me what/who is truly important in life. Who has time anymore for fair weather friends?!

Today I vow to give more of myself to my constant, loyal and amazing friends and family.