Letting Her Go

As I count down the days that I will have alone with my baby girl, I find myself feeling a range of emotions.

I'm excited for her. We dropped off paperwork the other day at her new school and she wrapped her tiny arms around my legs and said "bye, mama". Oh not yet darling. Not yet.

With all the therapist's coming and going and given the fact we don't really know anyone her age, the poor kid has been a little secluded. I may have taken the "bonding" stage a little too far looking back now. She has J and she has fantastic grandparents that swoop her up for lunch and dancing. My babe has been in no way deprived.

This will be great for her development, which is still delayed. There is nothing like peer influence to spark a child's eagerness to progress.

She will learn to trust other capable adults with her well being.

Then there is the other range in my emotions. I'm terribly sad. She, very likely, will be our last and only. She came into this family by unusual circumstances and we had to fight like hell for her. I have her now and I don't want to let go.

Everywhere I go she goes too. My little princess in the back seat that sings and dances during errands. I have been perfectly blessed to have a toddler that doesn't really act like a toddler. No tantrums, fits or crying unless something is terribly wrong. She has been a blessing to cart around. Just watching her take the world in minute by minute is a site I will forever cherish.

Two years together, mommy and daughter. I have been incredibly blessed to have had this time alone with my angel. But life, after all, is about change and nothing ever stays the same. Children grow and God calls for us as parents to grow as well. Being honest, this has been a deep struggle for me. But as always, I pray for God to lead my life in the direction I'm meant to go and I will gratefully follow. I have been lead back to school and my daughter has been lead to the most amazing preschool I've ever encountered. I have peace with our decision.

The time has come to let her go, even if I still keep her within arms reach.