Passing Through The Storm

These were the days in wait.

We knew it was a possibility that we may not be bringing our daughter home. Even though this was the trip, the last, the final, the throw your feet up and relax you've got your daughter trip. Not for us it wasn't. There were terrible problems brewing in the horizon for adoptions in Kyrgyzstan and we were left to only wonder for two weeks what would become of our fate.

These were the days in between. They were long, they were hot and everyday brought about more bad news......oh wait!...some good news!.......then WHAM, more bad news to bring you down. The experience's we shared during these two weeks, one year ago today, were the most emotional days of my life. We had our daughter and we tried to stay positive about that, however, in the world of International Adoption you can never get too comfortable until you've landed on American soil.

The memories are still fresh. When I let myself go there, I start to feel sick all over again. I feel as though I have to grieve this period in my life in order to move past it. My hope is that maybe one day, maybe even next year, I will sit at this very computer and not feel sick about this time two years ago. That maybe my memories won't be as vivid and strong. Maybe it won't hurt as much. Maybe I'll be able to look through all the negative and find more positive...........Next year.

This was our life one year ago........

Our first lunch with our daughter. It was beautiful and an experience I'll never forget. They take you to a floating table on a lake by boat and leave you with menu's. By boat, they return to take your order and bring food etc. The wind was blowing and the sun was shining, what a beautiful day. Blissfully ignorant to the days ahead. Leila took a nap on the pillows while we ate.

On one of our many excursions downtown to site see, people watch and grocery shop. I carried Leila all over Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan just like this.......no wonder my back needed surgery:)

Leila had diarrhea. This was only one of his many loads of laundry he hand washed and dried.

It was starting to get difficult. I just wanted all the uncertainty to go away. I felt robbed. When you hear most adoptive parents speak about the trip to pick up their child, they have wonderful experiences. They had no troubles and truly were able to sit back and know everything was taken care of and enjoy their child's birth country. I wanted to enjoy it, I couldn't. We didn't even know if our daughter was coming home this trip. There was too much left to go completely wrong to relax.

The faces that kept me going. The encouragement we received from family and being able to see Jalyn's face and know that he was OK was all we needed to keep on trucking.

Over the next week or so I will be paying tribute to our trip here on my blog. I will be posting more pictures and talking about our experience a tad more.